Friday, October 28, 2005

Portuguese update

I finally volunteered to read my diary in Portuguese class. It was really scary. Before my teacher projected my Portuguese diary on the screen, she said (in Portugues), "Michelle is my only 321 student who is not a return missionary. Whenever I think of her, I think of courage. She is brave to be in this advanced grammar class with a bunch of return missionaries." I almost started crying, and my eyes filled with tears, because I feel so discouraged and stupid in this class. I am meeting with her on Monday. I am going to ask her what she would suggest me to do to survive this class.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

oh Jeffers

I hope Jeffrey isn't worried/stressed/preoccupied with the marriage thing. We've only been dating for one month. We don't need to be concerned yet. Especially since I'm not concerned at all, since I've already prayed about it and know marriage would be okay. This peace is amazing! I should pray about everything! It feels great to have God backing up your decisions. I know I could marry him, and I know God could help me get over him if need be.

I finally took a test I feel confident about. Amazing, huh?

I'm getting really excited about Thanksgiving. I wonder what it is like at the Threadgill home. It will be cool to see my relatives while I'm there! I wonder if I'll be able to finagle a visit with the Matt Homers and Dave Homers.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

sigh

Jeffrey's roommate William got him some engagement ring advertisements as a joke. I wonder why Jeffrey told me that. Our first date was a month ago yesterday. It's kind of weird to be dating someone I know I could marry. I guess weird isn't the right word . . . maybe wonderful and different. Yeah, that's how it is. Shhh . . . this is a secret, but I love him. I haven't told anyone else.

I talked to Jacob Jackson on the phone yesterday and tried to convince him that Jeffrey is amazing and makes me happy. Jacob was really hurt—he found out about Kevin. I feel bad for hurting him, but dating Kevin was me hurting myself. I don't know how to explain that to Jacob though.

He'll get over me sometime soon. The mission will help.

Jeffrey Wells Collett :)

Thursday, October 20, 2005

adolescents

Apparently you shouldn't tell an adolescent that you know know what they're feeling and experiencing. They feel so unique and alone that as an adult they won't believe you and will just shut you out. What is the possibility that you actually can know exactly anyway? You should tell them that you've had a similar experience and then explain to them the experience, so they will believe you and place more importance on your advice.

So, Jeffrey and I officially have plane tickets for this Christmas Break, but for some reason I'm not slipping out. We're also talking about taking a religion class together next semester. That's pretty long term.

Since we're only supposed to date people we would marry, I prayed about it, and I could. :)

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

life and school are hard

This semester is making me hate Portuguese. My Portuguese grammar teacher is expecting us to already know everything. She's reviewing instead of teaching. How can I know it if no one taught it to me?! I think for the first time in my life I am going to do poorly enough that I have to retake a class. Failure happens, and I can't be perfect, but I can't help but wonder if this is happening because I'm not trying hard enough. I'm taking a really heavy load of classes and doing volunteer work and trying to be a girlfriend to the most wonderful boyfriend I've ever had.

Sometimes I entertain the idea that I need to spend less time with him and more with my books.

He almost broke up with me yesterday. This may sound weird, but it was an amazingly spiritual experience for me. As he was talking and crying, I just kept feeling this overwhelming feeling of peace and warmth. It was as though someone was holding me and whispering, "there, there Michelle, it's going to be okay. You are strong enough to handle any outcome and everything is going to work out."

I know that even if Jeffrey did break my heart I would survive. I knew (know) that dating Jeffrey was the right thing to do. I am so grateful for everything that he has already taught me. He has introduced me to a healthy relationship. He's shown me that it is possible to be happy while dating, only like one person, and have someone respect and cherish you. It's been amazing.

I also knew that if Jeffrey decided to toss me back (as long as I kept following the Spirit's promptings) that I would find some other guy as wonderful as Jeffrey or even more wonderful (if that's possible). It was a complete understanding of what I told Jacob Jackson when I broke up with him. God takes care of His saints who take care of His sheep. He gives us so much for so little.

Jeffrey ended up deciding to still date me and come to meet my parents. I lost the Spirit a little and started turning back into the Mimi that expects guys to hurt her and who over analyzes everything, but I knew that would make me unhappy and wouldn't be fair to Jeffrey, so I prayed for the ability to trust and regain my earlier peace, and I received it.

I'm so happy to be Jeffrey's.

Friday, October 14, 2005

boys boys boys

Amy's visit was really short. I loved having her here. She got here two days late because of Jacob Jackson. I wish he would get over me.

Marc is a really, really great guy, but more perfect for Amy—not for me. He's too placid and calm. he's a wonderful friend though. I'm lucky to know him.

I miss Reed.

Jeffrey . . . he was so unexpected. I really like him. He's very considerate. It doesn't bother me or scare me when he compliments me or does nice things for me. I actually like his surprises. I love the way he kisses. He doesn't get spit everywhere. He doesn't shove his tongue down my throat. I feel like he's cherishing me when he kisses me instead of using me. He's gentle.

Today, we were joking about marriage, and I didn't get scared. I think I am falling for him, and the only thing I'm afraid of is that I don't know how he feels.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Happy Birthday, Suzy!

First picture: Mimi and Suzy. Second picture: Jeff and Mimi.










First picture: Julia and Angie. Second picture: Jon and Suzy.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Sunday, October 9, 2005

Farewell, Maria!

Chelsea, Amy, and Mimi before church

Maria is going on a mission to the visitor's center in Hawaii!
First: Amy and Maria. Second: Mimi, Becca, and Maria

Saturday, October 8, 2005

Maine Get-Together

Interesting how the girls are proud to be playing Twister and having fun, where the boys are ashamed and hiding their faces. Hehe.

Friday, October 7, 2005

Indiana Party!

We of course had to have an Indiana party while Amy was here!

Julia Boyce, Angie Sutton, Amy Boling, Suzy Boyce, Paul McGrew, Mimi Boling, Amanda McCartney, and Bri French

Marquis, the Chauffeur

Marc sure knows how to pick a girl up from the airport in style! Look what Amy arrived to! :)

Thursday, October 6, 2005

worn out

I am fatigued. Something is wrong with me. I went to a nephrologist and a gynecologist. They both told me to go to a urologist, get tests done at the hospital, and see them back in a month. I might have allergies, Lupus, or amniocentesis. Quite broad spectrum. That's just dandy.

I'm dating Jeff. Jeff Collett is my boyfriend. I'm confused about where that puts my feelings about Daniel Zvirzdin. I'm pretty much focused on my health and education. I feel like I'm slowly slipping down and losing my grip on my classes.

Aaron Baker died. He was working with his father and was crushed between a grain silo and a tracker. It is so hard to believe that he is no longer here. That people my age can die. How sudden. Life can be so unexpectedly cut short.


Jeff makes me really happy.

I think Jeffrey's only flaw might be that he eats like I do—meaning not a lot. He'll go a full day and forget meals. That is the opposite of what I need.

I feel bad for not picking Marc.

Jeff and I have a lot of common opinions. He loves listening to me talk.

Amy flies in tonight. I am so excited to see her! I just wish I had more energy and fewer papers and exams. I just feel bogged down.

I don't think I have Lupus . . . Wouldn't I know if something were that wrong with me?

Monday, October 3, 2005

Dating?

Jeff had tickets for General Conference, Saturday afternoon session. It was wonderful to be in the Conference Center. He spent all weekend at American Fork with me at the Cannon's house . . .

I'm supposed to be thinking about whether I'll date him—be his girlfriend. I told him about my crush on Danzy.