Sunday, January 29, 2006

Got the job!

I totally got the job! I start tomorrow. I work 1:00pm to 5:00pm. Jeffrey starts his new job tomorrow also, but from 10:30pm to 1:30am. Not exactly the most compatible of schedules. My apartment got switched to his Family Home Evening group, so he's my "daddy" now. :)

I picked a wedding dress and paid for half of it. It is absolutely gorgeous! I'm so excited and in love! :) I keep having nightmares though. I am getting really sick of waking up and feeling so awful from my terrible dreams.

dreams

i am disgruntled.

i think.

so dreams. do they mean anything? should they be taken seriously?

are they just parts of thoughts your brain takes from every single section of your brain and mashes together into a bogus storyline or are they actually important and saying something subconsciously about us like all of that freud stuff.

so jeffrey keeps having dreams in which he and i get married.
i keep having dreams that he either leaves me or breaks up with me.

and it is serious leaving like in the last dream that he left, he just ran away from me in the jungles of the congo.

in the last dream where he broke up with me, he dumped me on a stage during a candlelit dinner that was apparently really set up for a different girl, to whom he was already engaged. he had just kept hoping i would figure it out on my own and leave him and he wouldn't have to dump me. then his mom stood up in the audience and said i can't believe you actually thought he was going to marry you. then i looked at all of the people sitting in the audience watching and i was so embarrassed and it was just magnified when i thought about all of the people that i had to call to tell them that it was over between jeffrey and i. it was an absolutely horribly feeling. i couldn't even move out of her seat at the nice dinner. eric boyce had to come up on stage and carry me. i started bawling my eyes out. when i woke up i still felt the horrible feeling. it was 3:30 a.m. but it took me forever to fall back asleep because i couldn't get that horrible dream out of my head.

why does jeffrey get to dream about what he wants to happen and i have to dream about when i'm afraid of?
or maybe he's dreaming about marriage because he's afraid of it.

dreams schmeams.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Wedding Dress Shopping!

Which one will I choose?

Michelle, Kara, and Kayla Cannon and Suzy Boyce were my companions in the various wedding dress excursions. :)

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Permission Granted

Jeffrey called Daddy on Sunday and asked for permission to marry me. Dad was nice and calm, which is a blessing. He advised Jeffrey to learn to love some of the things that I love, so we can have things to do together. He also told Jeffrey that he needed to sing duets with me, because I love singing duets. Pappy is so sweet.

I wish it were warm again already. It would be so fun to be in love in the sun. :)

I really hope I get the encoder job at BYU! They had me come in for an interview.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Sad but Surviving

Okay, I am much calmer now. Reed's letter said "Yes, you'll be married someday, too. If that happens, don't contact me. We have too much history, so I'd rather keep things history between us in that event." So, basically if I marry Jeffrey I'll lose my best friend. The thing is though, Jeffrey is my best friend now and hopefully someday even more. If I am going to have faith, I need to believe that Reed has a new best friend lucking somewhere, too. God provides for all his children, not just me. How exciting, huh? I need to remember to not let fear replace my faith.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Goodbye, Reed.

Reed just hurt me more than he has ever before. He, one of the select few in my life whom I counted on to never hurt me, has done just that. I have a letter addressed to him in my backpack. It is full of how excited I am find Jeffrey and how happy I finally am. I was going to put it in the mailbox tonight. However, when I came home from class, there was a letter from Reed waiting for me.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Getting married!

So . . . a lot has happened in the past ten days. Jeffrey and I are getting married. He finally stopped being scared. :) He hasn't proposed yet, because he wants to have a ring when he does it. I wish he would just pick the ring out instead of asking me what I wanted. A surprise though . . . I guess if I'm gonna be honest with myself, I probably wouldn't have handled that it very well if the whole proposal were a surprise. It's really exciting. I'm really happy. Sometimes I worry I'm making the wrong decision, but I know deep down it is right and could only be wrong if I make it so. I love him, so all that is left is eternal commitment, and I can totally do that.

Sunday, January 1, 2006

With Jeffrey again :)

It was nice to go to Muncie for about a day, but it is even nicer to be with Jeffrey again. When I'm with him everything in my life feels so right. :) It's a wonderful feeling.

Last night, we were using the bathroom at the same time to brush our teeth and take out our contacts, etc., and it felt so exciting, even to be doing such boring, prosaic activities. I just kept getting excited, like whoa! I could get to brush me teeth with him for the rest of my life maybe. :)

Yesterday, he went to bed at 3:00am and then woke up at 6:00am. He got so excited remember that I was coming that day that he couldn't fall back asleep or take a nap the whole day. How cute is that?