Monday, April 30, 2012

What could be better than cousins?

I got to spend ten delightful days in heaven—actually Nebraska but ask any Cornhusker and they will tell you it's heaven. We missed Jeff/Daddy a ton, but we managed to have a lot of fun, and he managed to stay really busy with us gone. I'll share more later about the wonders of Lincoln, but for now here are some pictures.

Thanks for letting me interrupt your life, Ames! 

I'll admit it: I love the matchy matchy. 

She looks way too cute to be a bit of a bully. 

I loved how Hallie and Jill would hold hands just for fun. 

Jill: Let's do it again!!
Hallie: Is it over yet?
Hanna: Mommy, let's get off.
Danny: What's happening? 

Sweet Heather was blessed on Sunday, April 22.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

On her day of birth

"Happy birthday"
does not describe
what I feel today.

"Missing you"
partially captures
what is in my heart.

"Not enough time"
expresses perfectly
what I really feel.

"Rest in peace"
I know you will,
our perfect angel.

My thoughts keep cycling through my mind, as I think of what my brother and sister-in-law won't be doing today. They won't be watching Tabitha play with wrapping paper as Emily "helps" her unwrap the presents. They won't be seeing Tabitha attack a piece of cake with the unabashed joy of a one year old amazed at the opportunity of handling her own dessert. They won't be laughing as she smears cake all over her face. They won't be chuckling as they put her in the tub, the only resort when messiness of these levels have been achieved. They won't be snuggling on the couch as they watch their two daughters play fun sister games together. They won't be sighing as they resolve any disputes that undoubtedly would have arisen. They won't be holding their little girl close and breathing in her scent and feeling her heart beat against theirs.

And as I think of what won't be happening today, my heart breaks a little more as it did back in October.

I feel like I should end this post with something cheerful or upbeat to let you know that we are okay, and we know Tabitha is peacefully waiting for us in heaven pain-free and happy, but on days like today knowing that is not as much comfort as it is on other days.

Tabitha, thank you for gracing our family with your presence. We were blessed to know you, and I am grateful for every time I held you.

Cherish your family today. And every day. Not because you never know which day will be your last, but because they are what makes every day worth living, whether it's the family you were born into or the family you have chosen.

After looking at those pictures of Tabitha and being reminded of how happy she always was, I feel like I need to wipe my tears and try to end this post more cheerfully than I began it. Because it is for her, so I'll honor her memory.

I can imagine what her parents might actually end up doing today. I imagine they'll play with Emily and cherish their time with their beautiful eldest daughter. They may think of the wonderful new baby that is growing inside of Rachel. They may visit the graveside, or they may save that for a different day. I hope they get to enjoy warm spring weather and see flowers that will put smiles on their faces. I hope they remember what they felt this past Easter Sunday as they reflected over the promise of our Savior's resurrection. I hope they know how much their family loves them. I love you.

My sister-in-law just posted, too.

And here is a post from my sister.

And this one is more about Emily than Tabitha, but it's beautiful. It's from my sister-in-law's twin.

Saturday, April 7, 2012


I haven't blogged in a long time, and I decided that I had better blog or people are going to start thinking that I am pregnant. (I am not currently pregnant.) Danny is fifteen months old today. I was thinking about it today and realized that when Jill was fifteen months old, I was already four and a half months pregnant. Danny just seems like such a baby still though. I don't know if it is because he is a baby in comparison to Jill being such a toddler, or if it is because he's done everything at his own not rushed pace—his teeth, his diet, walking, etc. He definitely lets life come to him, then he contemplates it, and then he moves forward. Jill pretty much attacks life, skipping and jumping ahead. Her baby years went too quickly. I am enjoying Danny's. Although when he is screeching at me, I do wish he already had words like his sister did at this age.

My grandpa was able to come and visit us for a week. It was a lot of fun to have him here. Jill and Danny love him! I loved having an extra set of hands around the house, and  I enjoyed hearing stories about Grandpa and Grandma when they were younger. And he ate everything I prepared, even when I didn't think it was very palatable. (When will I ever be a good cook??) While he was here, we went to Krohn Conservatory with some of Jill's friends. It was a fun trip! I liked looking at what plants I was able to see, and the kids just seemed to enjoy having a new place to run around.

This was in March, but we got to go to good old Muncie for a dear friend's baby shower. I'm so excited that one of my high school best friends is going to have a baby! I'm not the only one, haha, any more. She is going to be such a good mommy! Sadly, I forgot to take my camera to the shower, but her sister took some pictures, so I'm sure I'll see those sometime. It was fun to see so many friends again. And funny too, because the shower was in a building that I have only been to once, my freshman year, and it was for a Halloween party, a random one, so there were lots of interesting memories coming back to me. Oh, Muncie. Jeff drove us past my old house. SO many memories there. What a wonderful house. What wonderful years. 

Our Church also had its General Conference recently, where the general leaders of the church speak to the world in lieu of our regular church services. There are six sessions: four general, one for men, and one for girls, their leaders, and their mothers. (Then in the fall there will be one for women.) Each session is two hours long. The prophet will speak a few times, each of the apostles will speak, and then other general authorities and auxiliary leaders will speak, too. I don't remember who gave what addresses, but I came away feeling as though I have it within me to be a better mother than I am currently being. Very empowered. I love General Conference, because I always receive such a great vision of everything that I can achieve, and even though I am currently lacking, I always feel their great love for me and their belief in my potential.

In other news, I haven't been blogging recently, because I've been spending my spare time reading and gardening. I finally read The Hunger Games trilogy. Took me long enough, I know. But I had heard so many things about the violence that I just wasn't sure whether I could read them. For me the message against violence and of how sad it all was came across much stronger than any glorification of violence. 

With gardening, I've been moving plants around that I already had, trying to figure out where I want things, and I've been planting some new flowers that I purchased. I'm excited to see the dahlia. I've never had one of those before. I'm dreaming of mulch. And I've been weeding a lot. My little kitchen garden is all empty and ready to have vegetables planted. (This is another area where my grandfather was very helpful. He sat on the swing in the backyard or followed Danny around and made sure my kids didn't end up in the little water ditch or the street or eating chalk while I dedicated myself to planting and attacking weeds.) It has been a lot of fun to enjoy this beautiful weather.

I've been helping a few friends with gardening as well. Trying to help make the world more beautiful. Pretty flowers and plants make me smile; I hope they do the same for others. One of my friends is letting me be completely bossy and controlling with her yard. Or maybe more just really pushy. Either way, there have been a lot of gardening opportunities for me so far this spring. 

What a glorious spring! I am always filled with so much hope in the spring.