Friday, February 24, 2006

Thoughts

Kevin (from last summer) IMed me today for the first time in months. I told him I was engaged. He said "wow, that's wicked fast" and then "congrats." He was really surprised. I hope he doesn't think I was dating him and Jeffrey at the same time. I is so lost with everything. I hope he is able to find direction somewhere other than the bottom of a beer bottle. I utterly failed to help him. I should have shared my faith with him instead of enabling him.

I will never make that mistake again.


Jeffrey and I really frustrate each other sometimes. Through the frustrating moments, I am learning how to pick my battles and just let the little things go. I am gradually learning patience and control. I am also learning how utterly committed we both are to making "us" work. I am filled with joy. My cup runneth over.

I am so excited to be a mom someday sooner than I ever expected!

Friday, February 17, 2006

Best Friends

So I have finally come to terms with and accepted the fact that in today's society, I will basically sever or massively alter all/most of my past friendships.

I almost have to pick the most important ones and focus on them, because there is no way to hold onto all of them, keep Jeffrey, and remain sane.

Jeffrey is my best friend, and for the first time in my life, I can only have one best friend. He will be me practically, so that drops all of my other friends to a different playing field.

Soon, I'll get to make married friends as Michelle Collett, Jeffrey's wife.

Sigh. :)

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

family ties

The mood options that spymac offers never seem to match what my mood is.

So... I'm getting married and I am so excited about marrying Jeffrey and starting a new life with him.

However, I am feeling sad and worried about how much of my old life I am allowed to bring into my new life.

I mean... my family is close. We are really, really close. It is probably because we have moved like ten times while I was growing up. We were forced to like each other or we wouldn't have any friends, well okay to be completely honest, some of us were always able to make friends, but there's a difference between a four year friend and a forever friend.

So, certain family members keep unintentionally letting me know how sad they are at the thought of losing me. I hadn't really thought about that. I mean, I've come to the terms that all of my best guy friends, well they can't really be my best guy friends, because what kind of a marriage would work if I went to a different guy with problems? I can totally accept that Jeffrey is the only real guy friend I will have for the rest of my life.

However, it is weird to think about becoming 'one' with him when I am already so 'one' with my family. How does that fit? I always thought that they wouldn't be losing a daughter/sister but gaining a son/brother, however they're so worried and sad that it has made me unbelievably sad.

I mean, it does change everything. I won't just go home anymore. My home is with Jeffrey now. I'll visit with my family. They don't even live in the same house anymore; they're all spread out and my parents moved so that house isn't my home. It's so sad though.

I don't think they understand that I know what they are going through. They've always told me that I'm independent and that I've never really needed them and they've just all needed me my whole life and it is true. Sometimes I get scared to death that they will need me so much that I won't be able to let Jeffrey need me, because I'm too busy helping them.

I guess I just need to have faith. Faith in them that they will be strong. Faith in God that He will provide all the help that we all need.

Sometimes it's just hard to be the only one who left to go to school. The only one who chose a college across the country, two time zones away. They're all so close and I'm so far and I guess I just feel like my marriage, my blissful union, is just going to pull me even farther apart from them.

I love them.
I love Jeff.

I will find a way to have room for both.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Temple Preparation

I went to temple prep today instead of the normal Sunday School class. I am so excited about taking the next step, learning more about everything, and making covenants! My excitement vaguely reminds me of how I felt when I was seven and close to being baptized. :)

The moms are starting to get really involved in the receptions. They are kind of taking over actually. I don't mind though! it takes a lot of the stress and pressure off of me. I'm so excited about marrying Jeffrey!

My family is starting to accept it, which just absolutely makes my day.

Midterms are coming up this and next week. Wish me luck . . .

Wednesday, February 8, 2006

engaged

So Jeffrey finally proposed and I have the perfect dress and the perfect ring and the perfect guy for me. :) Now if only everything else could be perfect too.

I wish my mom could be a little bit more agreeable about the reception and a little bit more happier for me. But I'm working on her. Maybe once she gets used to the idea.

I always thought I would be the third or fourth of the family to get married.
I guess life never does happen like you planned.
That would be pretty boring if it did.

I really like my new job. The typing is much more fun than the proofreading. I'm glad I haven't worked there long enough to have to be a reviewer on top of that too.

Tuesday, February 7, 2006

Babies!

So, I was thinking it would be fun to have all G names. Like . . .

Gideon, Geoffrey, George, Grant, or Gentry

Guinevere, Genevieve, Gwendolyn, Genna, Gem, or Gigi

and then middles names:
Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, etc.
Rose, Lilly, Violet, Daisy, etc.

Never Gennipher. Seriously. It is Jennifer. So weird.

5 boys and 2 girls? 4 and 3? 2 and 2? I'm so excited to find out!

Sunday, February 5, 2006

Sigh

Michelle Halley Collett. It has a very nice ring to it. I'm torn about what kind of a reception I want. I kind of want a beautiful, lavish reception with a catered dinner, speeches, toasts, and dancing. It would be beautiful to rent the Masonic Temple ballroom. However, at the same time, I am not interested in forcing my parents to spend that kind of money on those things that really aren't important. It is frivolous. I am not sure what to do about it.

I assumed my mom could plan it, since I'm in Provo, but she seems to think it is impossible for her to plan it for April 29 (which would be the day after we get married). I guess I don't mind having it later, but it seems awfully silly to fly back to Utah just to fly back again.

Saturday, February 4, 2006

Engaged!

So, Jeffrey totally proposed last night!

He led me on a scavenger hunt with clues to significant places in our relationship. Each clue was a letter where he talked about each month in our relationship and how we've grown together. I didn't get it until the last paragraph of the last letter that he was going to propose. I thought he was doing it for our anniversary (four months). I also didn't quite get that it was a scavenger hunt. I was wearing flip flops, and I didn't have a coat on. :)

The scavenger hunt ended at the top of the bell tower. It had a great view of the sunset, which was pink and orange, which will be our wedding colors. :)

I hugged him and wouldn't let go. He finally was able to unattach me, and he knelt down and asked me to marry him. I said yes and pulled him up, so I could hug him. Well, I also called him an idiot, but I never have reacted well to surprises. :)

Michelle Collett
It's so pretty! I can't wait. :)

The ring is perfect by the way. It is exactly like I wanted, and the sapphires are a perfect light blue. :)

I am looking forward to sharing my day with Jeffrey as man and wife. I will try and be so wonderful for him. And I get to have kids someday! I cannot wait to be a mom!

The only shadow on everything is that my parents don't want me to marry him, and none of my older siblings are married yet.