I finished a book last night. It was a book I read with one of my book clubs, but this week was really full for me (me!), and I ended up missing the meeting and being behind in my reading.
So I finished it and near the end, a song from the musical The Secret Garden is mentioned. It is “How Could I Ever Know.” I was already crying because of what was going on at that point, and then the song was mentioned. I haven’t sung that song in years! I hadn’t even remembered it when I have been singing through my memorized songs. But then I was singing it, and I still had the whole song memorized. It is such a beautiful, sad song. My first reaction was to comment on the book club chat like “hey! Did you notice the mention of that song? I know that song!” And I thought wow if I had been at book club and had finished the book I might have even sung them the song.
And then I thought wait. No one in book club knows that I sing. At least I don’t think they do. How could I sing in front of them? I almost recorded myself and sent it to one book club friend, but then I didn't, because I don't think she even knows that I sing. But singing is such a big part of me.
I have been singing very little recently. I blame it on the pandemic. Since singing is such an effective way to push our breath around, it was basically outlawed for a while. This is the first place I’ve lived where I haven’t been in a choir. I tried for a while last year. I joined a choir that was meeting online due to COVID. And I enjoyed it; as much as a virtual choir could be enjoyed. But they meet Thursday evenings, and I received a church calling for Thursday evenings, and it just became too difficult, so I quit the choir, and I haven’t found a new one. I miss singing. My diaphragm, lungs, and voice are really “out of shape” right now. My range has shrunk. Can that come back or is losing it just part of malpractice and age? It’s gone once it’s gone? Maybe I’ll find out someday.
In the book, a dying wife writes dating profiles for her husband to use after she passes, because she wants to encourage him to find love again. Reading those dating profiles made me think of what I would write if I needed a friendship profile. What would I want a potential friend to know? What are these puzzle pieces that make up Mimi that a longterm friend would know?
I sing. From what my family says, I have always sung. I was told once that on a train between Chicago and Detroit when I was too young to have memories, I walked up and down the train car singing to all of the passengers. I remember I joined my first choir in third grade, and until now I’ve always been in a choir. Even as a college student or when pregnant or as a young mom, I’ve always found time for choir and singing. Until now.
I read. I’ve always loved to read. I used to say I was looking for myself in books. Now that I’m older I don’t think I’m looking for someone like me anymore, but I appreciate encountering new ways to think about life. I'm looking for other people, you could say. Along with learning, I also like being entertained and laughing. I also read books that make me cry. I love stories. I can remember multiple sleepovers with friends where my friend would find me sitting by the bookshelf reading her books instead of doing makeovers or modeling or watching a movie. “Just borrow it and read it at home! Come play with me.”
My favorite sport to play is soccer. I was on my first soccer team in kindergarten, and I was on a soccer team every year until I graduated high school. After that I found intramural and club teams to play on. I took a break for about four or five years. But in Virginia, Juarez, and Libreville I found teams or groups of friends to regularly play with. I’ve coached soccer teams in two different countries. I’ve never had amazing ball handling skills or tricks, but I was tenacious. I was very aggressive, and I was in shape. In high school, I started every single game from ninth to twelfth grade, usually always as the left midfielder. I have not found a team here in CDMX. I miss playing soccer. My cleats are just gathering dust.
I was actually pretty athletic in general. I competed in track (usually 800 meters and 1600 meters and sometimes the 4x8 relay). I also competed in gymnastics (but while enthusiastic, I was never very good. I let fear get in the way). I competed in dance: jazz, ballroom, and hip hop. I really miss dancing. I also competed in cheerleading, basketball, and volleyball. I was never very good at basketball or volleyball. I love Zumba, but I rarely do it now. As an adult, I’ve done a little yoga, and I’ve picked up basic skills in tennis. But, honestly, looking at me now you would not guess that I used to be athletic. I have struggled to prioritize it.
I watch Asian dramas. It’s funny—before picking up this hobby, I was actually kind of disdainful of television. Jeff and I would start series, and I would usually get bored of how it was dragged out forever, and I would just go online and read the recaps like a book and “finish” the series while Jeff kept watching the rest. But then in the fall of 2018, I was depressed, and for some reason Netflix recommended Meteor Garden to me, and that was that. Then I had no idea how deep this rabbit hole would be, but I’m still enjoying the dive now. I take it as seriously as my reading. After I finish a book, I go on Goodreads and rate it, share my favorite quotes, and review it. When I finish a drama or film, I rate it; record the details about dates, actors, and country; and I review it. It’s all in a spreadsheet. This record is how I know that I’ve now watched 993 hours of Mandarin, 1,370 hours of Korean, and 72 hours of Japanese since that fateful day, October 1, 2018. I’ve learned so much about those cultures, and I just really enjoy how they craft their dramas. I could be wrong since I haven’t watched a lot of US television, but I honestly think they utilize landscape, interior scenery, and soundtrack songs in a very different way. It’s art. I love it. A lot of my family watches, too, and we all bond over them and share the spreadsheet.
I like acting. The first full play I was in was in elementary school as a munchkin in The Wizard of Oz. I’ve also performed in The Brave Little Tailor, The Canterville Ghost, that one whose name I can never remember but my character was God, Teen, and Little Shop of Horrors. My favorite roles were being Annie in Annie and Lucy in The World According to Snoopy. We even got to compete in a drama competition with that one! As an adult, I have not made time to act, but I have been able to volunteer at my kids' school as a drama instructor. When COVID hit, I was a co-director of the upper primary play with Jill as one of the actors. Of course it was canceled, and we never got to finish. It would be a dream to get to act again. I wonder if I would be any good at it now.
I’m a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I was born in the religion, and I chose to be baptized and to receive my endowment. I attend every Sunday and serve in my congregation. Right now I teach the nine year old Sunday School class, and I co-lead Thursday night activities with the eight to eleven year olds. My faith in God is something I choose, and the precepts of the religion form the foundation of my life. I’ve never drunk alcohol, coffee, green tea, or black tea. I’ve never smoked or done any drug that wasn’t purchased in a pharmacy. I’ve never used profanity, and the strongest vulgar words I use are “sucks” and “crap.” I also haven’t had meat since December 2019, but that is a personal decision not a religious one, but it seems relevant as I'm discussing other thing I don't do.
I’m a citizen and national of the United States of America. I lived in New York, Michigan, and Ohio for almost four years each. I lived in Utah for five years. I spent a summer in Maine. I lived in Virginia for two and a half years. I lived in Indiana for seven years. I also lived in Brazil for four years and Gabon for three years. I’ve now lived in the country of Mexico for three and a half years (two years in Ciudad Juárez and the rest in Mexico City).
I’m a volunteer. I’ve always been one. I grew up seeing my parents volunteer, and I went along with them. It’s part of me now. My church provided many opportunities to serve and lead, and I’ve always been able to find a way to volunteer. I’ve been an aide in a middle school special education classroom. I’ve been a hospice volunteer. I’ve led children’s and adult choirs. I’ve taught English classes. I’ve been a leader in a sea turtle conservation group. I used to attend college classes with students with disabilities, taking notes for them on their lectures, editing their papers, and being their hands or eyes during tests. Volunteering is something I still do. I am currently on the board of two charity social clubs. I’m a Girl Scout troop co-leader, and I help out with Boy/Cub Scouts. I volunteer at a girls’ shelter here, at a foundation that makes meals for impoverished seniors, and with a group that makes blankets for babies at a local hospital. It’s always been a way to meet people I would otherwise not meet, and I find it valuable to learn from them.
I have a temper that I have worked my whole life on figuring out how to control. I used to hit and kick a lot as a child. Thank heavens as a parent, I am in much better control of myself. I can be a good listener, but just as often I am a talker, and sometimes I interrupt people. I am working hard on that. I’d like to think I’ve gotten better, but I’ve still got a ways to go. When I’m down, I am an extremist. I fall into all-or-nothing thinking. My immediate reaction is blaming myself and assuming it is my fault. Partly because I’m often so bossy that things literally are my fault because I muscled my way into a leadership role. I prefer to apologize and maintain relationships than to be “right” and sacrifice relationships. Sometimes I forget what things I’ve been told are secrets, and then I feel terrible afterwards, so much that I sometimes wish I were never told any secrets because I am not as good as I’d like to be at keeping them. I am not 100% honest all the time. I used to think that the adjective I wanted to describe me more than any other was enchanting. Now I’m not sure which adjective I want more than any other. Perhaps earnest. I’m working on deserving that description. And sometimes I honestly don’t know how to be a mother and wife, but I don’t give up, but some moments have been very dark. I am proud of how well I fill my roles of sister and daughter. It is really, really hard for me to say no. I carry guilt for things I should probably let go. I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt and see the best in them.
My favorite game is Rummikub. I also enjoy Othello, Spot It, Euchre, President/Scum, and Phase Ten.
Professionally, I am an editor and text designer. I am a native speaker of English and studied English in college. My next strongest language is Spanish. I used to be really good at Portuguese, but I don’t have many opportunities to keep it up now. While in Gabon, I could get by in French, but it has definitely taken a backseat to Spanish now.
I wish I could play the piano better but not enough to spend the necessary time to actually become better at it.
I love bright colors, and I love jewelry with stories and memories attached. I hate shopping. I don’t understand why so many of my friends love shopping. I can only stomach it when I have a specific purpose that forces me to shop. I like seeing beautiful, interesting items, but shopping makes me feel guilty, which is an unpleasant feeling.
I don’t enjoy making dinner, but I’m fine with breakfast and lunch. Probably because my kids want the same things every day for those meals, and it is “allowed,” but it feels against the “rules” to make the same dinner every day. Friends spend hours blending flavors and perfecting textures, and then people eat it, and then our bodies use it as fuel and turn the leftovers into poop. So we spend hours cooking to create . . . poop. I often dream of having a food like what I feed my bird, dog, Guinea pigs, and cats. Is that a weird wish? To go to the store and find a bag labeled “human” and then just eat the amount I’m supposed to each day but still being healthy and strong.
When I was young, I honestly believed I could be good at anything. I was convinced that I had the capacity to be anything I wanted to be and that if I tried to do something, eventually I would be able to do it. I’m not sure where that confidence came from, but because of it I tried a lot of things and actually gained a lot of skills. Life has taught me that there are a lot of things I actually have no innate talent at, but I’ve been so fulfilled by all the things I’ve tried.
I started journaling in 1998, and I started this blog in 2004 as a way to keep in touch with all the friends I left when I went to college. For some reason I still write in it, and I’m kind of amazed that in two years this blog will be TWENTY years old. I tend to write poetry when I’m sad.
So hi. Maybe let’s be friends? I have a song I’d love to sing for you . . .
How many drafts went into this profile? It's pretty good!
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