The farewell I would have had

If a week had been three months and if life had gone as planned, I would have had such lovely goodbyes. And I would have thought they were heartbreaking, because I was leaving people and a place I had loved so much. I would never have known that it would have been even more heartbreaking to have not had those lovely goodbyes at all.

So here is how I would have left.

I would have had a primary activity at church. I would have sung and danced and played one last time with those wonderful children who patiently listened to my French every Sunday and let me teach them songs about how much God loves them, about how the Earth is a beautiful place, and about how they can make good choices.

I would have had a Relief Society event. I would have sat with my church sisters and hugged them all. We would have eaten each others' food and worn matching clothes and just been together, unified.

I would have visited the orphanage/shelter with one last delivery. I would have checked on the progress of my projects there: the fruit trees, the beds, the septic system, the bathrooms. I would have looked to see if the children were healthy. I would have sung to one last baby, and I would have done my last food drop.

I would have sung with my choir. I would have smiled and laughed and sung. Never before and never again will I be a member of a choir like this.

I would have put together a quartet with my friends to sing traditional songs from the United States at the American Corner in Glass.

I would have had an end-of-season celebration with my turtle organization, Projet Tortues. I would have told my beach patrollers how grateful I was to them and how proud I was of them. I would have thanked Marie Claire, Tim, Julien, and Estelle for letting Stephanie, Laura, and I on board this year. We were such an amazing team, and we accomplished so much.

I would have organized a display at the French Institute to educate Libreville about their incredible, endangered sea turtles and our work as volunteer patrollers.

I would have arranged at least six more beach cleans.

I would have presented at two more organizations about our sea turtle efforts here.

I would have finished out the term with my English language learners and guest speakers at the military base. I would have partied with them on the beach. I would have judged their presentations. I would have clapped for them at their graduation ceremony.

I would have thrown three baby showers for my beautiful friends who are pregnant and due this July/August.

I would have spent an entire soccer practice playing a real match. I would have played with them instead of being their coach, and I would have shown those kids what this "old" mom has got in her.

I would have watched from backstage, so proud as my students danced their dances, sang their songs, and delivered their lines in a spectacular musical theater performance.

I would have traveled to São Tomé with my family and another family. I would have swam in their crystal water and tried their chocolate. I would have visited their jungles. I would have tried to meet up with their sea turtle organization.

I would have stayed at Pongara National Park one more time to see the special African jungle elephants one last time and maybe finally, finally catch a glimpse of a black panther.

I would have organized the Moabi Festival as the parent co-chair. I would have brought in organizations, restaurants, and vendors for a splendid party to celebrate Gabon and the end of the school year.

I would have had three more book club meetings, where the thoughts fly and I learn so much about how my friends think and about what they've experienced in their lives.

I would have attended about ten craft club meetings where I would have learned new skills and possibly, maybe, progressed in crochet.

I would have attended four or five cooking clubs where I would have learned new dishes from Ukraine, Syria, India, Indonesia, and possibly Japan.

I would have thrown a fantastic Easter party at my home for all the kids I know.

I would have had a super fun Cinco de Mayo party with my US Embassy families.

I would have been invited to at least one Ramadan festivity.

I would have danced with Indian friends maybe six or eight more times. I was even going to teach them some sort of "American" dance the next time we met.

I would have visited the public elementary schools where I placed swing sets to see if the swings were still standing or needed repairs or fresh paint.

I would have done a lot of relaxing (and sometimes hilarious) yoga at my friend's house.

I would have played and lost splendidly in the ERV tennis tournament.

I would have cheered on all four of my children as they swam in the Club Saoti swim meet.

I would have gone with the French group BAL to tour five or six locations to learn more about Gabon: maybe a jungle, maybe the new museum, maybe some old churches, maybe a factory.

I would have enjoyed a desayuno with the Latinas of Libreville group, probably three more times, speaking in Spanish and enjoying food from Spain or Mexico or Colombia or Guatemala.

I would have finished watching our K drama with my Drama Queens, and who knows? Maybe we would have even had another silly sleepover.

I would have had a pagne party where all of my friends wore clothes made in Africa with African wax fabric and exchanged our leftover fabric with each other.

I would have had at least four more dresses made, because I'm addicted.

I would have sung karaoke at Annita's house and the Cotton Club.

I would have gone dancing at the Sunset Bar or Life by Mayena or Carrefour De La Danse.

I would have walked the beach over and over and over again.

I would have shared everything I love about life here with my dad and sister who had tickets to come visit in May.

I would have watched Jill graduate with her Year 6 class, moving on to secondary school.


I would have!

I really, truly would have. 

I would have done it all and probably more.

I would have just to show you how much I wanted to give you, because I have no other way to express how grateful I am for what you have given me.


But I didn't have three months.

I had one week. And social distancing.

So all of that is only the farewell I would have had.

"For Good" from the Broadway show Wicked
Lyrics and music by Stephen Schwartz.
Accompaniment from this youtube karaoke video.

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives
For a reason,
Bringing something we must learn,
And we are led to those
Who help us most to grow if we let them
And we help them in return.
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true,
But I know I'm who I am today,
Because I knew you. 

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes the sun,
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood,
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good.

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime,
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you.
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have rewritten mine
By being my friend. 

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea,
Like a seed dropped by a sky bird
In a distant wood,
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you,
Because I knew you,
I have been changed for good.

You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart.