I’m a few months late on this, because I felt uncomfortable, but I recently moved all my journals, yearbooks, and scrapbooks from one room to another and went down memory lane a bit.
The #metoo movement made me feel lucky that I’ve never been assaulted and made me wonder if I’d ever been harassed other than strangers’ catcalling, and I immediately thought of an experience I had my senior year of high school, but then I kept thinking, there’s no way that really happened. My imagination must be getting the better of me.
But then there it was in my journal. I fell asleep on the bus on the way home from a meet and woke up to a boy stroking my upper, inner thigh. I had never been touched there before and was terrified, so I just pretended to be asleep and made sure to never sit by him on the bus again.
Maybe sharing this will help continue to raise awareness that everyone is vulnerable in our society.
Frequently I tell my children that only THEY decide who touches them and that THEY must listen to verbal cues and watch for visual cues when their siblings no longer want to wrestle, tickle, be sat on, whatever the game happens to be. My sons and daughters know they own their own bodies and that they have no right over anyone else’s. If my elementary-aged children can grasp that, I hope someday all adults can, too.
The #metoo movement made me feel lucky that I’ve never been assaulted and made me wonder if I’d ever been harassed other than strangers’ catcalling, and I immediately thought of an experience I had my senior year of high school, but then I kept thinking, there’s no way that really happened. My imagination must be getting the better of me.
But then there it was in my journal. I fell asleep on the bus on the way home from a meet and woke up to a boy stroking my upper, inner thigh. I had never been touched there before and was terrified, so I just pretended to be asleep and made sure to never sit by him on the bus again.
Maybe sharing this will help continue to raise awareness that everyone is vulnerable in our society.
Frequently I tell my children that only THEY decide who touches them and that THEY must listen to verbal cues and watch for visual cues when their siblings no longer want to wrestle, tickle, be sat on, whatever the game happens to be. My sons and daughters know they own their own bodies and that they have no right over anyone else’s. If my elementary-aged children can grasp that, I hope someday all adults can, too.
It's so important to have those conversations with our kids.
ReplyDeleteI found myself if many uncomfortable situations that I had no idea how to escape while I was in high school and college. I wish I'd been raised to know how to stand up for myself, especially to the other gender. —Mindee
I was usually pretty good at standing up for myself. I think literally waking up to this one is what froze me.
DeleteIt would have been a disgusting shock, for sure! —Mindee
DeleteSo sorry this happened to you. No one has the right to touch women in an intimate way without the woman's permission, even in a romantic relationship. —Brian D.
ReplyDeleteI’m sorry that happened. How amazing that you recorded it, and how interesting that without the record you can talk yourself out of a memory. That’s how things get buried and forgotten despite the impression they leave in our lives. —Jill F.
ReplyDeleteSo true about talking ourselves out of our memories.
DeleteThank you for being brave and sharing this. I’m sorry you experienced that. —Ashley R.B.
ReplyDeleteI'm also worried about teaching my kids to respect boundaries/consent. They all know to say "my body, my choice; don't touch me". And I even (usually) ask before I hug or kiss them. I hope that's enough for them to learn and understand. As a feminist mom of all boys, I feel incredibly responsible for making sure that they don't grow up to be harassers or assaulters. —Mallory
ReplyDeleteI think it’s equally important to teach children how to show and receive affection. People tend to like what they’re used to, so it’s a complicated balance of figuring out the right levels.
DeleteYou should have told me!! You know I would have got whoever it was girl. It’s sad but I feel like every female has had an experience where they have been made feel uncomfortable and harassed once in their lives. It sucks and it needs to stop. #TimesUp —Shorty
ReplyDeleteI told very few people. I was embarrassed and just wanted to forget it. But I know you would have been there for me!
DeleteI hear you!!! understandable...but yes I totally would have!! —Shorty
DeleteThis breaks my heart but I love your courage Michelle and stand! You are so right, we much help, guide, and teach our young women that they have a voice and it's never ok! �� no one should feel harassed, unsafe, or uncomfortable! —Julie
DeleteShocking how you went through 5 different "me too's" in one day. —Maribel S.
ReplyDeleteA mí me tocó pasar por experiencias muy desagradables y casi siempre terminé golpeando al agresor creo que tuve que aprender a defenderme, pasé de ser una niña tímida y callada a una que por lo menos levantaba la mano para estamparla en el que se atreviera a faltarle al respeto. Por eso es importante hablar con nuestros hijos y enseñarles a cuidarse —Martha M.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry that happened. But by sharing the account publicly you are pushing the conversation which is for the benefit of us all. —Katherine L.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. Good stuff. —Lisa D.
ReplyDeleteMy baby sister, Michelle. She never told me about this. #metoo
ReplyDeleteI wish we had a better way to fight back against these situations, and there just really isn’t one. Talking about buying a bat to “take care of it” illustrates that. I wish women had more recourse than unpleasant rhetoric, though.
—Ames