Jeff and a friend gave me a blessing of comfort, and immediately thereafter I had two thoughts. The first was that I needed to write down everything in my life that was causing me stress, worry, or guilt and then release it. Just let it go. Send it off (to my sister, mother, father, and husband), and then just let it go. The second was that I needed to ask for help, that I did not need to do everything alone.
So that is what I did. I e-mailed the family members I listed above a very long list. I hadn't looked at it since sending it, but I was curious for the sake of this post as to how long it was, so I looked at it to count them. I had twenty-three bullet points. That's a lot of guilt, worry, and stress—in my opinion at least. And some of them were completely contradictory, so I couldn't win either way. Like worrying that my baby will come early with complications (like Jill) or premature (like Danny), but then also worrying that if I make it to 40 weeks, my baby will be too big and hurt me. See? Completely ridiculous. And counter productive. And don't worry, my doula and my obstetrician both have made me feel completely not worried about either of those anymore. I just gave it as an example to see what kind of craziness I was up to. Worried about something and its opposite happening.
I received some great responses from my family. Here are some of my favorite excerpts, because this post is about how blessed I feel to be in my family and to have the friends I have.
An apple pie that Jeff, Jill, and Danny helped me make for Thanksgiving. Delicious.
We got to spend time with my brother Peter's family and meet his new son, Boston McKay Boling.
Danny at gymnastics: He loves having a place to run and jump freely.
Jill at gymnastics: She is really starting to impress me on the beam and bars (for her age).