Never put cheesecake in the toilet.
It won't "loosen up," and just because something fits in the toilet hole doesn't mean it will fit through the pipes.
And you might have to put your hand in and pull it back out.
. . . after someone has pooped in it.
Sigh.
I'm sure you're not disappointed that there are no pictures to accompany this post.
Lesson of the weekend: Toilets are not to be used as garbage disposals.
On a different note, I've been thinking about my fears. Jerry Seinfeld said that a study showed the number one fear of Americans was speaking in front of a crowd and the second was death. His funny joke is then that at the average funeral, the people there would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy. I'm not sure how to credit that source, but know that it was Jerry Seinfeld, not me. Anyway, I'm not really afraid of speaking in public or death, so I've been trying to think what mine are.
These are not in order of importance, merely the order I thought of them.
1. Clogging the toilet at someone else's house
2. Choking, coughing, or burping while singing in front of a crowd (like a performance)
3. Noticeably peeing my pants in public
4. Not getting to live long enough to raise my children
5. Doing a "bad job" raising my children
6. Intense physical pain
7. Spiders that are fast and large and can jump
So . . . do any of you have any fears you've thought of recently and would like to share?
It won't "loosen up," and just because something fits in the toilet hole doesn't mean it will fit through the pipes.
And you might have to put your hand in and pull it back out.
. . . after someone has pooped in it.
Sigh.
I'm sure you're not disappointed that there are no pictures to accompany this post.
Lesson of the weekend: Toilets are not to be used as garbage disposals.
On a different note, I've been thinking about my fears. Jerry Seinfeld said that a study showed the number one fear of Americans was speaking in front of a crowd and the second was death. His funny joke is then that at the average funeral, the people there would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy. I'm not sure how to credit that source, but know that it was Jerry Seinfeld, not me. Anyway, I'm not really afraid of speaking in public or death, so I've been trying to think what mine are.
These are not in order of importance, merely the order I thought of them.
1. Clogging the toilet at someone else's house
2. Choking, coughing, or burping while singing in front of a crowd (like a performance)
3. Noticeably peeing my pants in public
4. Not getting to live long enough to raise my children
5. Doing a "bad job" raising my children
6. Intense physical pain
7. Spiders that are fast and large and can jump
So . . . do any of you have any fears you've thought of recently and would like to share?
I love that it's not just "peeing my pants in public" It's only a fear if it's noticeable. Awesome. You are great.
ReplyDeleteOk, this post made me crack up laughing. Loudly. Like...I ended up having to read the post to Scotty! I liked number one. (And the whole cheesecake thing was great!) I'm afraid of calling people on the phone. I would rather speak in public! I can also relate to the rest of your fears. Except, spiders don't bother me...it would be roaches for me. Seriously, I would have nightmares about roaches when I was pregnant!
ReplyDeleteSo funny- as I was reading I was initially thinking I have never had a hard time getting up in front of people... until I read the part about the eulogy. I think it would be very hard to speak at a funeral. That's why I like singing (songs someone else wrote), or reading quotes (from someone else) and scriptures. But if it's something I have to come up with on my own (like your rs lessons or a eulogy) would definately be harder.
ReplyDeleteI am terrified of any and all spiders... you know those kind that come out of no where and are hanging from a thin invisible web from the ceiling? I am always worried that will happen in my sleep and land in my bed.
Just something for you to have nightmares about tonight...
I second the "calling people on the phone" which is ridiculous. It's even hard if it's a close friend and I have a good reason to call! And I seem to be such a social and well-adjusted person...
ReplyDeleteWell, you know most of mine, but I'll post them:
ReplyDeletemoths, worms, being in a car accident, being stabbed in the back, something bad happening to Devin, and um, oh mirrors in the dark.
Also, I forgot to ask: Why were you getting rid of cheesecake anyway?
ReplyDeleteYou could have just mailed it to me, you know.
The cheesecake was over a month old. Possibly two. Jeff started eating a piece and then never finished.
ReplyDeleteSo he thought to himself, well I'll put it down the toilet??
ReplyDeleteIt's just so random! I suppose I shouldn't be surprised...
no, no, no, Jeff never would have put it in the toilet. We don't have a disposal down here and I didn't want ants to take over the trash can, so I decided the toilet would be perfect. Jeff says I should have walked outside and put it in the big trash can. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteHAhahahahahaha! I want to comment on how mundance is seems for you, mimi, to be hilarious like you are, and even more funny (and seemingly mundane to you and amy) for both of you to have a conversation about the list of fears that you posted---WHICH WERE HILARIOUS. I agree with most of them, and i think that the cheesecake incident is somehting that DO agree with being scared of. But you survived--yay!
ReplyDeleteI found your blog, and I can tell you and I have a lot in common such as fears of spiders, though I'm afraid of the small, slow ones. And I don't like it when I can feel them under the wad of tissues when I have to squish them. But that's what husbands are for. . .
ReplyDeleteI can't stop laughing at the cheesecake in the toilet! I will file that in my for future reference section of the brain!
ReplyDelete