So, I don't really do much these days, and it's kind of weird. I'm used to going full force all the time. School or work or volunteering or hobbies or being with people. Doing stuff. I used to always do stuff. Now I do almost nothing.
I love what I get to do, which is hold Jill all day long, but I wish she would sleep. I know it's awful to complain, because I really love holding Jill, but then the end of the day comes, and it's like what did I do? Laundry? Well, maybe I got a load in, but is anything folded? No. Cooking? Did I cook anything? No. I practically didn't eat anything until dinner that Laurie made. Reading? Okay. I most likely got to read. Work? Hardly. When she was a newborn, she would fall asleep and then stay asleep when I laid her in her crib. Now, she does not. A few minutes after putting her down, she'll open her eyes and ask me in cute baby noises why in the world I'm not holding her anymore.
I know that I'll miss this. In a few short months, she'll have learned what toys are and what sitting up is, and she'll be happy to sit up and play with toys and let me keep working on my family history project or read my friends' blogs. Someday she'll even push me away and not let me hold her, and then I'll think longingly of these days when that's all I did.
Every day is more rewarding than the last now. She still doesn't talk to me (duh), but she'll smile at me sometimes, and that's a nice response.
And I can't complain really, because most days since Jeff doesn't have a job yet he's home and usually Laurie (my mother-in-law) is home too. It's only days like today when I don't get to shower and no one else is home that I feel like I have no response when someone asks me what I did today.
But hold my baby.
But I have a baby.
So I guess I'm a pretty lucky girl. ;) Pity party over. I'll get stuff done in the future and she's at school and I miss her.
And Jeff just called and he's coming home.