Thursday, November 10, 2005

When do you say I love you?

So I was talking to Amber (Nelson—my new roommate),and she asked me if Jeff and I have discussed marriage or said "I love you." We've only been dating a little more than a month . . . should we have already done them? We've talked about marriage and love, but never directly about each other. I think we both know that those are the destinations of a relationship like ours, but neither of us is in any hurry. I think I might already love him, but I'm not sure. I'm definitely the closest to love that I have ever been in.

He asked me yesterday if everything always has to be my fault. I think because when he apologizes, I usually say "it's okay, that was my fault." I also always apologize for things and just take the blame for when things go wrong.

I also remember a few weeks ago he told me that Andie did the same thing—take the blame for everything. Interesting that she and I have something else in common besides liking Jeff.

It's also interesting that I only have bad relationships to compare this to and he has bad and at least one amazing relationship to compare this to. So it's easier for me to rate it favorable than it is for him. He has told me that he does compare them.

So I know that I love Jeffrey, but is it spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you love or enjoy-my-time-with-you-and-always-have-fun-with-you love or I-am-okay-with-your-flaws love or you're-an-amazing-friend love or you're-a-great-person love or the way-I-love-everyone love? or all-of-the-above love?

I know I'd prefer to spent time with him than do anything else with anyone else. Is that true?

I had a dream about Jeffrey. He told me he loved me twice, and I didn't say it back. I woke up sad and unable to distinguish whether it was real or a dream.

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