Thursday, September 21, 2006

more information

so my dad has found out more about it and this is what is going on:

As it turns out the pathology report on the tumor indicates that I do have cancer. Specifically:

Acinic cell carcinoma: Most acinic cell carcinomas start in the parotid gland. They also tend to be slow growing. Although they are usually low grade, their grade is not the only factor useful in predicting their outcome. Knowing how far they have invaded into nearby tissue is more helpful in predicting a patient's prognosis.

This is from the American Cancer Society web site which is a helpful site in that it identifies the different kinds of cancers of the Salivary glands and if you try to do much reading on the web, you'll quickly find yourself reading about some other cancer than what I have.

Positive items:

Acinic cell carcinoma, is slow growing
The tumor was small at 1.5 cm
No regional lymph node metastasis (spread) OR the cancer had not moved to associated lymph node on the left side of my face
Not a lot is known about cause(s), but it rarely appears along blood lines of a family (you're all safe:)

Other thoughts:

In terms of what comes next, I have to heal a bit and then I will start radiation therapy. Unfortunately for me and my doctor I'm his first patient with this cancer. The tumor was resting on a vein and in the V of two branches of the facial motor nerve in the left side of my face. My doctor protected the vein and the nerve by scraping the tumor off of them, this approach leaves a probability that he did not get all the cancer, thus the radiation.

In hind site I had a a stage I condition, which is the lowest risk and thus have an 86% chance of being alive in five years. (: This is because the tumor was small, had not spread to the lymph nodes or any other part of my body. So realistically worst case I'm figuring I still have a decent shot at 60. Mind you many people live for a long time after first diagnosis.

If you have questions I'll be glad to chat but don't know that I'll be able to shed a lot more light. I'm fine and looking forward to seeing you all in the near future.
Love, Dad & Phil

so there is a lot tons of hope. your prayers are appreciated. thanks for the notes.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006


i just found out that my dad has cancer.

the last note isn't as funny anymore.


so my dad had to have surgery last week.
my mom sent the kids an email about how it's going for him... check this out lol

Dad is recovering but is getting impatient to recover. He gets the stitches out tomorrow. Since he still has half a salivary gland it still makes saliva and the saliva leaks out in between one of his stitches so he has to keep a towel or a wad of paper towels against his neck. And when he gets hungry ... especially is I make something that he likes and he can smell it, like the garlic bread I made to go with the spaghetti ... he salivates even more and it kind of squirts out, because it is under pressure. If he turns his head, he squirts too. And since it isn't just saliva, it is tinged with blood it really is gross. Too bad it isn't a month from now because he would be great in a haunted house with a bloody stream from his neck. So he is doing well enough, just getting tired of the whole business of having surgery, he's never had surgery before.

gross! i can't wait to see it. he says his scar makes him feel like a pirate! :)

love is only love

I was listening to this song the other day and I thought it described love better than most songs i hear.
(it's from hello, dolly! and is sung by barbara streisand)

Don't look for shooting stars
For love is only love
You touch and still you touch the ground
Don't listen for those bells
For love is only love
And if it's love you've found
Your heart won't hear a sound
And when you hold his hand
You only hold his hand
The violins are all a bluff
But if you're really wise
The silence of his eyes
Will tell you
Love is only love
And it's wonderful enough
Without the shooting stars
Without the sounds of bells
Without the violins
Love is wonderful enough!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

oh my goodness!

so what is going on?!

i am the middle of a decision and i'm not sure what to do.

i could graduate a year early. however, that would require me going to school through the summer. it would also require (if i want to keep english as my major and editing and portuguese as two minors) 19 credits next semester and then 9 during spring term and then 8 during summer term.

that's a lot.

and i still have to find an internship and stuff.

however i could drop port.

but that only takes two classes out of the equation. i'm almost done with that minor. it seems like it would be worth it just to get it since i'm so close.

do i want to get done that fast? what am i in a rush for?

if i did then i could start working full-time and then jeff and i would be eligible to buy a house or townhouse or condo. i would be closer to being able to start a family. a real job would be cool. kids would be really, really cool.

or i could finish in the normal four years. have no stress. take a bunch of athletic and dance and music classes.

however, if i graduate early then the money i would be spending on those semesters i could spend on something else.


Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Old meets New

So Danzy came over to get Jeff's old, old laptop that we were giving him. He and Jeff got along great. It was weird to feel almost like a stranger and a best friend at the same time. I got a tiny bit angry at him when he and Jeff were teasing me about dance classes. Danzy said, "Aww, you were trying to get married if you took dance. You probably took marriage prep, too." I wanted to scream, "No, you fool! I wanted you—not to get married right away." I didn't feel like it was appropriate though, since I am married now and ultimately picked Jeff. There were so many emotions running through me as I sat between two of the loves of my life: the one, my eternal choice and partner of my heart, and the other, a love from youth, both sitting my living room. 

I don't feel bad for myself, because I have Jeff. I am the lucky one. I feel bad for Danzy. He has no one. He rarely sees his roommates; he has no super close friends; he only got to see his family for two days after a two-year absence. And now, other than the Spirit, he is alone. I think of how different I could have made his life, and I feel bad. However, I have faith that some day, he will meet someone who will grab hold of his heart, and he will be so happy that he will thank me for moving on over him. He will know the happiness that I know with Jeff.

I hope Nate finds that, too. I watched devotional today with Suzy, Nate, and Brett. I felt so awkward the whole time because of the vibes coming off of Nate. He can't get over that I'm married and how weird that is to him.

With Danzy, however, it was not awkward. It was a little sad and a little resigned. It made me a little sad to know I can't be his close friend. However, that is a small price to pay compared to the amazing things I get to experience with jeff.

I wonder if I should set Suzy and Danzy up on a blind date. They are both wonderful and like biology. :) I need to think of a couple for them to double with . . .

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Regional Conference

Jeff and I were able to attend a regional conference today. The speakers were Cecil O. Samuelson, Joseph B. Wirthlin, and Thomas S. Monson. The meeting was wonderful.

I was especially touched when Thomas S. Monson spoke of children. He told us to pardon their wiggles. He said they have such large spirits in such small bodies that they have to move around. I felt so much joy and responsibility at that moment to think of the dear big spirits and tiny bodies that are going to be entrusted to my care some day. It was an awesome thought to behold.

Sunday, September 3, 2006

Life comes at you fast!

I got to go to the temple with Maria last week. It is sad that she had to come home early from her mission and even sadder that she has epilepsy, but they seem to have found a medication that works, and she's marrying Shane on December 28! That is the same day as Devin and Amy. It is too bad I can't go to Maria's, but it is fun that they will have the same anniversary.

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of when I met Jeff. It is crazy that so much has happened. Life can change very quickly if you let it. I am a crazy girl! I married someone I hadn't even known for a year! Luckily, God knew us both, and Jeff and I relied on Him.