Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Elephant Shoe

Jeffrey has been searching for engagement rings online. I wonder what that means . . . We still haven't said "I love you" to each other—shouldn't that come first? Maybe there is no set order. Maybe he was just curious about rings, but he's not actually thinking about buying one or even if he were, he could just be planning for the future without me or any girl in specific on his mind.

He mouthed something that looked like "I love you," but it could have just as easily been "elephant shoe," because mouthed, they look exactly the same, and he pointed that out to me a week or two ago.

Sigh.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Learning

I was really stressed this morning, and Jeffrey kept trying to tease me out of it. I told him that when I'm irritated, being teased just makes me more irritated, because I'm not good natured when I'm upset, and I can't handle it. I told him that just being in his presence would calm me down and relax me if he would just stop teasing me and just hold me or hold my hand or put his arm around me.

So, he stopped teasing me, and it worked.

I wonder when we'll actually tell each other we love each other. "It is every day implied, but never declared."

Thursday, November 17, 2005

almost thanksgiving

i am psyched. i got a 95 on an exam i just took. how wonderful is that? i didn't even study that much for it *snaps* for paying more attention in class!

so it's almost thanksgiving! i'm so excited except for the fact that i have a five page and a ten page paper due before break and i haven't started writing either of them. i've been reading and researching though so i'm not just about to completely die, but yeah i'm still not looking forward to it and then after thanksgiving holy cow it's christmas already! don't even get me started on all of the stuff that i have to do for that...

so jeffrey and i have never really been apart before for longer than like... a day so it will be interesting what happens over thanksgiving break because neither of us are really people that miss other people a whole bunch. won't it be sad if it doesn't even bother us to be apart?

okay i keep staring at this face it's completely ridiculous and i have no reason to use it but it's ridiculous

happy birthday stephen! happy birthday bri! happy birthday reed! happy birthday jeffrey! happy birthday peter! happy birthday aaron! this month is insane...

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

so life is crazy

wow... so less than a month less of school. how insane is that? i wish there were more school days left (INSANE i know) but honestly there is too much stuff to do by the deadlines. do teachers honestly believe that their class is the only class i am in? what's the deal? i'm only signed up for fifteen credits next semester. i think that will be a lot happier for me.
i'm thinking about changing my major from english teaching to english editing... or maybe english language and editing... we'll see. i'm not sure whether to stick with portguese or not. i've had a rough semester with that language. stupid rms...
okay fhe is totally in four minutes and it's at my house so i had better go
but really fast funny story...
so i'm over at jeffrey's house eating dinner with his roommates. i'm amazingly suave and drop a bunch of mashed potatoes on my lap... on my crotch. so i ask for a napkin or a paper towel. they're a bunch of guys so of course they're out. so jeffrey gets me some toilet paper. great. so i get to wipe myself with toilet paper in front of everyone. perfect. parfait.
this brings up a conversation about the toilet paper. one of his roommates bought it because it was massively on sale. however, apparently it was really cheap in make too because one side is soft and the other side is rough so the boys have to like pay attention and chose the side that they want. one of jeffrey's roommates proudly informed me that he knew that jeffrey personally prefered it rough.
good info to have i'm sure...

Monday, November 14, 2005

Time passes

So I'm 20, Amy's 22, Danny's 14, and Peter is now 26. How did we ever make it this far? I remember when Peter turned 16. I hope my brothers get married to the right person before they're 30. Maybe I'll give them until 35 . . .

I have known Jeffrey for ten weeks. I think as long as we both keep trying, we could really turn this into something . . . :)

We confuse each other a lot. We communicate differently. Sometimes I lose my patience with him. Sometimes he makes me feel stupid. We both feel bad afterwards.

Making up is fun. We argue. I enjoy arguing though. I wish we had the same amount of homework . . . that would be too perfect.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Distracting

So, studying, doing homework, cooking, eating, watching movies, walking, breathing with Jeffrey (or around Jeffrey) are incredibly difficult. Jeffrey is very distracting. I would prefer to pay attention to him rather than whatever I am doing (trying to do) while I am with him.

What is so interesting about this to me is that no other guy has ever been able to distract me like this before. It was a joke with Phatty that all I would have to do was kiss him or sometimes even just smile, and he would lose all train of thought or forget what he was saying, but he was never able to distract me in the same way. I never gave him so much of my attention that I couldn't focus the rest elsewhere.

Jeffrey doesn't even have to touch me or have me look at him, just being in his presence is enough to make me reread something 7 times!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

When do you say I love you?

So I was talking to Amber (Nelson—my new roommate),and she asked me if Jeff and I have discussed marriage or said "I love you." We've only been dating a little more than a month . . . should we have already done them? We've talked about marriage and love, but never directly about each other. I think we both know that those are the destinations of a relationship like ours, but neither of us is in any hurry. I think I might already love him, but I'm not sure. I'm definitely the closest to love that I have ever been in.

He asked me yesterday if everything always has to be my fault. I think because when he apologizes, I usually say "it's okay, that was my fault." I also always apologize for things and just take the blame for when things go wrong.

I also remember a few weeks ago he told me that Andie did the same thing—take the blame for everything. Interesting that she and I have something else in common besides liking Jeff.

It's also interesting that I only have bad relationships to compare this to and he has bad and at least one amazing relationship to compare this to. So it's easier for me to rate it favorable than it is for him. He has told me that he does compare them.

So I know that I love Jeffrey, but is it spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you love or enjoy-my-time-with-you-and-always-have-fun-with-you love or I-am-okay-with-your-flaws love or you're-an-amazing-friend love or you're-a-great-person love or the way-I-love-everyone love? or all-of-the-above love?

I know I'd prefer to spent time with him than do anything else with anyone else. Is that true?

I had a dream about Jeffrey. He told me he loved me twice, and I didn't say it back. I woke up sad and unable to distinguish whether it was real or a dream.

Tuesday, November 8, 2005

never again 19 credits

yeah so overwhelmed is how i would describe myself right now but that wasn't a mood option... this face pretty much sums it up for me though:

yup... that's me.
so i am never going to take nineteen credit hours of classes while doing six hours of service a week, having a church calling, and a boyfriend. i cannot handle it. add on top of that still trying to keep in touch with my friends and family... it's an impossibly daunting task.
i get to find out tomorrow the results from my ct scan... (cat scan). i hope the doctors can finally figure out what is wrong with me so i can stop getting shuffled from specialist to specialist. i don't have time for all of this! (nor money dang) however, my parents have been really really nice about helping pay the medical bills i've been raking up.
thank goodness i don't have wisdom teeth that have to be removed for a couple thousand dollars.
i hope i'm still a byu student after grades come out this semester...

Thursday, November 3, 2005

grr

For some reason it really irks me that Jeffrey prefers long hair. How unfair of me. He doesn't hold it against me that I'm all about red heads and younger guys. Of course, since dating him my preference has changed. :)

Am I dating Jeff because he's Jeff or just to be dating someone? I think I am dating Jeffrey, because he's Jeffrey. I am not dating him just to have a boyfriend, because I didn't even want a boyfriend.

Is Jeffrey a good match for me? He teases a lot, but he's really considerate and kind also.

Do I really know him? Does he really know me? Is it possible to really know someone? Do you ever stop getting to know someone?

Sometimes I feel insecure and not confident, and I think Jeffrey would prefer a girl that cooked more, knew more about babies/children, and that had longer hair. Then I remember that there is no reason to worry about it, because that's his decision—not mine.