Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Stephen's Letter

Stephen sent me a four-page typed letter trying to convince me that the LDS Church was wrong and that the Catholic Church was right. It made me cry. There were so many anti, completely false claims that I didn't really know what to do. I felt so bad for his confusion. It makes me so, so sad. He used to respect me for not being a hypocrite and living my religion, but now he thinks I'm a brain washed, sinning fool going to Hell. Being friends with someone sure gets complicated as you get older.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

I loved you, Jacob

So, I'm at Institute, and it's held in Mt. Desert Island HS. I go to the bathroom and one door says "Boys Restroom" and the other says "Girls." I love that we are smart enough to know that a door with a gender on it is a bathroom. :) So, I'm looking in the mirror, and I look up and see this huge sign: "You're looking at someone that could get AIDS." Ah! Not a surprise that I was expecting. Then in smaller words, I read "Abstinence is the only way to be 100% safe, but condoms and spermicide do reduce the risk." I don't even know what a spermicide is. Horrible. Ah! High schools should teach only abstinence.

I was sitting in institute learning about the types of revelation when I was struck with the feeling that I should break up with Jacob. I can't handle the distance, and I don't want to be a distraction. His focus should be his mission, testimony, and spirituality—not me. Whenever I pray about it, I feel peace, and I know I'm making the right decision. It just really hurts the rest of me, because I really like him. I have to do it though. I'm still not ready for be in a relationship. I'm not a person worthy of guys like him yet.

I got so much Happy Birthday mail yesterday. It was wonderful. Both of my brothers remembered. Danzy sent me the nicest card, "I am also grateful for you, Michelle. Your letters always seem to come at the right time and say the right things. In addition, seeing your name on an envelope brings a smile to my face every time, just because it's you."

Sunday, June 26, 2005

One Flesh

Genesis 2:24
ONE FLESH

Will I ever trust myself and someone else to become as "one flesh"? Will I ever be able to give someone that much power in my life? It sounds so wonderful and amazing, but it doesn't seem like something I will ever allow myself to experience. Oh, sometimes I wish I weren't the one in charge of my life, because I'm so messed up.

My birthday was nice. Jacob's present kind of freaked me out though. It was a little much. Three bags of candy, a DVD, a CD, and a huge photo frame with pictures of him and I. It seemed like something an engaged person would have. It's beautiful, but it shows too much time. His mission should be his priority—not me.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

I'm older than elders!

Today totally feels like a Friday. I keep forgetting that I have church tomorrow. Chris, Nicole, Alison, Amy, Toby, Melissa, and I had dinner with Elder Dewey and Jackson. It was delicious. Elder Jackson turns twenty next Saturday. It was the first time that a missionary I didn't know before he was a missionary was younger than me. It was really weird. I'm older than elders! We went to Sand Beach after dinner. It was really pretty, but I was getting eaten alive, so I had to leave. Haha. I can't handle the skeeters.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Mormon

It's so weird to be here where there are even fewer Mormons than Indiana. It's also weird that everyone I know doesn't already know I'm Mormon. My coworkers have some really good questions. I'm going to start praying for better responses or answers that they will accept and at least semi-understand. Stephen called today. He brought up marriage again, if I would become Catholic. He said he wrote me a four-page letter about our religions, but he hasn't mailed it yet, because he didn't want me to get it around my birthday. That makes me kind of nervous . . .

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

MAINE

oh my gosh. there is so much to say and i am already seven minutes over the amount of time that i am allowed to be on this computer. it's insane. why is there internet in only like one place in this town? well i guess we have it at work, but i haven't figured out where yet.
okay so maine!
rocky precipes, beautiful mountains, turgid oceans, rocky and sand beaches, the cutest shops and restaurants ever, seals, whales, puffins, this place is great.
it has everything except for all of my wonderful friends!!!! so come visit me and make this place perfect!
i live in a barn (wild huh?) it's not as barn-like as i thought it would be though. i get my own room which is nice. it's kind of weird here though, monday was in the nineties and humid as all get out, but today it's in the fifties and raining. like the 50s! i haven't felt that kind of weather in forever! okay so i have to get off because the girl that signed up after me is wanting the computer but i love you all and i'll try to write more later

16 Holland Ave
Bar Harbor, ME 04609
write me and i'll write you back!! promise